For as long as I can remember, fitting in has always been something I’ve excelled at. You might even say that I’m a chameleon—a shape-shifter capable of adapting to any environment, blending into any group, and effortlessly connecting with anyone. It doesn’t matter if they come from a different background, hold a different status, or have a personality that seems worlds apart from mine. I have always been able to find common ground, and, most importantly, I have never felt that their differences made me feel any less of who I am nor me more than them.
I could walk into a glamorous party in my proudly worn, second-hand purple suit, and feel just as incredible as anyone else in their designer attire. More than that, I’ve always been able to forge unexpected connections—moments of real engagement that transcend status and surface appearances. I’ve loved this about myself—my ability to navigate the complexities of different social settings, always feeling at ease. It was my superpower, and I wore it with pride.
But everything changed when we moved to Monaco.
I tried harder than ever to make it work there. I worked my charm, stayed true to myself, and was determined to win people over while keeping my authenticity intact. For the first time in my life, however, something didn’t click. I found myself feeling like an outsider, truly feeling the weight of not belonging. The experience hit me harder than I expected. I was no longer in control of my surroundings. I felt smaller, less important, and I questioned my worth.
In an attempt to fit in, I made a choice I had never made before: I changed. I bought clothes that matched the scene, tried to speak in ways I thought would gain acceptance, and silenced parts of myself to avoid standing out. I did what I thought was right to ‘survive’, and in the process, I started losing myself. I felt like I was playing a role, and the longer I tried to conform, the less I liked who I was becoming. Doubt crept in, and I could feel my inner strength slipping away. I realized that in trying so hard to blend in, I had lost touch with the very essence of who I was.
Then, a turning point came. My dad, my hero, the one person I have always looked up to, said something to me that changed everything. He looked at me, and in his calm but firm voice, he said, "Mette, you have been defeated. You cannot fit in here. You are not you."
Those words hit me like a punch to the gut, but they also opened my eyes. In that moment, I knew I had been trying so hard to fit into a place where I could never be my true self. It wasn’t about winning approval; it was about staying grounded in who I am, regardless of where I was or who I was surrounded by.
So, I made the decision to stop trying to fit in. I threw in the towel. I walked away from the scene I had tried so hard to mold myself into, with my head held high, and a newfound sense of clarity. I realized that in the effort to be accepted by others, I had lost the most important thing—myself.
I want to clarify that there is nothing wrong with Monaco or its people. In this situation, there are no "good" or "bad" individuals, nor is there a clear-cut distinction between right and wrong. It’s simply that, for reasons beyond any fault or misstep, Monaco and I were never destined to align. Sometimes, despite the best intentions, certain paths simply aren’t meant to converge and that is ok.
It was a tough lesson, but it taught me something invaluable: authenticity is far more powerful than conformity. It’s okay to not fit in, especially when fitting in means losing yourself. The people who are truly meant to be in your life will appreciate you for exactly who you are, and they won’t need you to change to be part of their world.
So, today, I wear my purple suit with pride, knowing that I don’t need to change to feel awesome. I can walk into any room, be my true self, and still find meaningful connections.
Monaco was a tough chapter, but it was also a liberating one. I walked away knowing that sometimes, the most important victory is the one where you refuse to compromise your values and your identity. And that you can not win all the time
As we move through life, we all face moments where we might feel out of place or tempted to change ourselves to fit in. But remember this: there is power in standing tall as your authentic self, no matter where you are or who you're with. Don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of approval. Stay true to who you are, and the world will eventually come to appreciate you for the amazing person you were always meant to be.
Your brain will thank you.
Mette Theilmann Founder of HerEdge Cote d’Azur Club
Comments