Creating Belonging in a New Country

I’ve lived abroad with and without my family. I’ve moved with excitement, fear, exhaustion, and hope. And through all these transitions, I’ve come to understand something vital:

That my happiness often depends on if I try to fit in or belong

In London and Belgium, I felt a deep sense of belonging. I felt respected, free, and fully myself. I had friends who shared my values, dreams, creative chaos, and wild ideas. I didn’t feel the need to change. I knew I was good enough. I felt home.

But in China and Monaco, it was different. I tried to fit in.And the more I tried, the lonelier I felt — even when I was surrounded by people.

There I couldn’t find my tribe, the people who understood the real me — especially the weird, quirky parts. I found myself silencing my thoughts, hiding my ideas, shrinking my presence. For the first time in my life, I questioned if I was truly OK in my own skin. And I’ve always been proud of being comfortable in that skin. What happened afterwards is for another blog….

So what’s the real difference between fitting in and belonging?

Fitting In vs. Belonging

Fitting in is about changing yourself to be accepted.You adapt. You edit. You try to blend.It’s driven by a subtle fear - “Will they like me if I show up as I really am?”

It often leads to disconnection from yourself, and ironically, from others too.

Belonging, on the other hand, is about being accepted as you are.It feels safe, nourishing, and real. You don’t have to perform, just be.

As Brené Brown beautifully puts it:

“Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are , it requires us to be who we are.”

Fitting in = Approval through adaptation

Belonging = Freedom through authenticity

How to Create Belonging When You Live Abroad

Especially as women living in new cultures and communities, belonging doesn’t just happen, we create it. Here’s how:

1. Get Curious Before You Get Comfortable

Don’t rush to replicate your old life in a new place. Let yourself be a learner again.

Go beyond expat circles. Join local events. Wander into unfamiliar spaces. Join a group where you share a sense of interest of values (art, creativity, music, food, sport etc) Ask questions. Listen deeply and dive in deep. Be open to being shaped by the place, not just surviving it.

2. Find People Who Share Your Values — Not Just Your Accent

When you arrive, the temptation is to cling to anyone who speaks your language or looks like they “get” you.

But sometimes, this only highlights the loneliness. Real belonging happens when you find people who see and hear you, not just because you come from the same country or is an expat too, but because you connect in values, humour, hopes, and heart.

Those people may not be the first ones you meet, but they’re worth waiting for and looking for.

3. Bring Your Story With You

Don’t erase your past (even though you might want to) to “start fresh.”

Your experiences, your wisdom, your wild ideas, they are your power. Share them. Let others do the same. That’s where connection starts, in the mess, not the perfection.

4. Honour the Grief and the Growth

Moving is a big deal. It stirs up grief, doubt, and loneliness, even if it was your choice.

Don’t brush it aside. Sit with it. Name it. Share it with others. Growth doesn’t happen despite these feelings, it happens through them.

5. Create New Traditions in Your New Life

Home isn’t just a place, it’s a rhythm.

Start small: Morning coffee on the terrace. Weekly market strolls in Nice or Antibes. A monthly apéro with women who lift you.

It’s in those small, repeated acts that belonging begins to grow roots.

Here I would like to share our dear member Ivana’s blog about how to make your rented space your home CLICK here

In Closing

Fitting in is surface acceptance. Belonging is soul connection.

And you, in all your courage, creativity, and complexity, deserve more than just to be tolerated.

You deserve to be seen.To feel home.To belong.

So if you’re standing on the edge of a new chapter, whether here on the sun-drenched Côte d’Azur or somewhere else entirely, remember: you are not alone.

There’s a world of women, just like you, creating new lives in new places.Not just surviving change. But thriving in it.

Let’s not just fit in. Let’s belong.

Your brain will thank you.

 Mette Theilmann Founder of HerEdge Cote d’Azur Club sign up for for weekly event email